Twin Parents Sharing Session

TWO TIMES OVER

Honestly, it’s been a roller-coaster journey of highs and lows. There are times I get overwhelmed trying to cope with their various physical, emotional, psychological, financial needs and I just draw strength from God. I’ve realized that He won’t give what you can’t handle, so His grace is always available.

There are also times having twins made me feel like a celebrity especially when we go to a store and the owner gives them items for free just because they are twins and feels the need to bless them. I’ve also experienced a lot of congeniality and admiration from strangers all because they see you have twins and think they are the cutest beings ever. The twins also seem to get a lot of preferential treatment from people around them.

However, one of the issues I find most challenging in the course of raising twins is dealing with the constant rivalry even among twins of different genders. For example, if I carry or sing to one of the twins probably due to ill-health, the other twin demands exactly the same thing or if I commend one of the twins for performing an activity excellently, the other twin demands that I give the same commendation even when he or she has done nothing to justify it.

Another challenge with twins is that there’s no option of passing down items like clothes, shoes, toys, books etc. because you have to keep buying items in duplicates.

My advice to new twin mums and parents is that no two children are the same in character, developmental milestones, temperaments, interests etc. even if they are twins. So if, for example, one has achieved a milestone like walking and the other is still struggling to walk, do not get unduly worried. There would always be that tendency or temptation to compare them as they grow older, but this is unhealthy for them. Advocate that they are put in separate classes in school to encourage their individuality.

To save costs especially if they are of the same gender, always look out for value deals like “buy one, get one free” (BOGOF) and try to schedule their activities around the same time or area.

Lastly, you would surely need a good support system of family, friends and domestic workers because you cannot do everything all by yourself. Don’t burn out yourselves trying to be the “super mum” or “super dad”!

ADAPTING FOR TWO

On the 1st of October; six years ago, I joined the ‘Twin Mum Club’ and as I reflect on my experience, I can confidently say that it’s been six amazing years despite its challenging days and sleepless nights. My twin boys were born six weeks early but spent just ten days in the Special Care Baby Unit, less than envisaged. Looking back now on the very early years, those ten days were the least challenging days.

My first challenge on getting home was to get them out of the two-hourly feeding regime adopted whilst in hospital; which would have meant round the clock feeding with only minutes to spare. I learnt quickly that most of the advice usually given was effective for mothers and parents with single births; and I had to learn differently for my new role.

Feeding both babies at the same time was necessary and required if I was going to be successful with getting house chores done with some precious spare time to relax, if there was any spare time at all.

At 4 months, they had settled into a night time routine and would sleep through the night (10pm -7am).

By the time they were 6 months old, they had settled into a day and night routine which included wakeup, meals, nap, play, bed and mum time. Being able to manage time and develop well-structured and consistent routines is a skill required in abundance for a twin mum.

With two cots in my room, we worked towards getting them into their own room by the 10th month; which was another challenge my husband and I had to navigate. After a few weeks of protest and mum sitting in-between cots with one hand on each child, the battle was won.

Toba started crawling at 8 months but Tobi creatively avoided the art of crawling by bottom-shuffling, which he did successfully until it was time to walk. Finally, they both started walking at 17 months.

The last real huddle of toddler years was trying to potty train two toddlers at the same time. Training one child is hard enough for every parent but having to train two on the go is a skill for life.

Twins have a way of doing things at the same time; which meant that potty training was done simultaneously. I found that getting them to sit on the potty first thing in the morning and as often as possible during the day was very effective. Above all, I found that celebrating them every time they used the big boy potty encouraged them and contributed to the success of this phase

It’s the joy of most couples to be blessed with twins but scarcely do you find those who understand the challenges it comes with. As a parent, you are told not to compare children but that advice mostly goes unheeded in the world of twins. Medical practitioners defied this rule throughout the antenatal scans; one twin’s measurements and weights were constantly compared against the other.

After birth, everyone was looking for clues to differentiate between my identical twin boys. As a twin parent, you are at constant war as every day and every event presents a valid reason to stack one child against the other.

I have come to understand that everyone has a piece of advice for new mums but I would recommend listening to one from a fellow twin mum.

Don’t force routines that don’t work for your family, develop those that suit you best. Take cues from your babies and your maternal instinct; remember a loving mother knows best.

Most importantly, enjoy every second, record every moment and live everyday as today as much as you can; because time flies and memories not captured are lost.

Don’t forget to start with God. Good luck!!

MY LONG-AWAITED MIRACLE

Sometime in April 2010, I felt really sick and the thought of taking a pregnancy test came to my mind.

At the time, I was already the mother of a beautiful princess who turned ten that year. So, I had been trusting God for another child all the while. I went ahead and bought myself two pregnancy test strips and to my surprise when I used it, it came out positive. However, there was so much doubt – especially this was something that I had been expecting for so long. I didn’t want to get my hopes high and have them dashed.

I eventually gathered the courage to meet my doctor - and it was confirmed. The amount of joy within me was inexplicable; it was too overwhelming to comprehend! It was joy unspeakable. But, there was more to it. Guess what? I was carrying twins! The thoughts in my head were like a whirlwind! There was just so much happiness in me that I cried like never before; I was too flabbergasted. How do you go from looking for one child to expecting two? I was overwhelmed.

The journey began and I thank God that through it all, I did not fall sick. I received so much care from everyone, most especially my husband. He became everything to me. (If you ever see this, just know that I love you so much [1]Okó mí!). From the onset, I had been advised by my doctor that my delivery was to be through Caesarean section due to multiple gestation pregnancy, the years of waiting and my age. Of course, it disturbed me but I chose to trust God. By the end of that year, we had already picked a date for the delivery - 15th January 2011. All things went well and God was completely in control from beginning till the end. He did not allow anything go wrong.

Finally, my princes arrived -yes, they are both boys! Another phase of the journey started. At home, it was work, work and more work! When one twin was asleep, the other twin would be up, wanting to be cared for. At a point, I started asking them if they were doing vigils for each other as it exhausted me. Basically, with them, it was work round the clock.

I had to buy various books to read (which is something I do not like but couldn’t help). I made up my mind to read books so they could help me. Fortunately, it turned out to be a good decision. I made sure they began sleeping at the same time by working at it consciously. For me, feeding was interesting just because it was done at the same time. They were not patient, so I carried both of them at the same time and breast fed them. I resorted to talking to them when I wasn’t able to keep up –and funny enough, they listened.

After about three months, all the external help had gone. It was just me and my husband left but of course with the grace of God. It was tiring, but fun. There was feeding time, changing time, bathing time, playing time and so on and you just had to be there for all the times. I really struggled with bathing time, truth be told. Sometimes I cried through it. I always reminded myself that the gifts of God added no sorrow.

When they started crawling, it was quite challenging. One twin started before the other and I was worried and wondering why the other twin wasn’t crawling too. It took me time to understand that they are two distinct individuals, and so there should be no basis for comparison. We had to do a lot of rearrangement in our home, so that nothing would be destroyed or inappropriately used by them. They even became skilled and started crawling over the sides of the chairs (that were used as barriers. It was really funny. We found ourselves with a new vocabulary as we had to start shouting: 'stop! stop!', 'don't go there', 'don't do that', 'don't touch it’, ‘don’t pick it', 'don't climb' and so on. We had to become more watchful and vigilant.

Teething was another challenging phase and again, one twin started before the other. The length of time it took for the second twin to start teething got me worried again. But I reminded myself that no human grows without teeth. Walking was much easier than crawling and teething. I loved seeing them trying to walk. However, it could be stressful sometimes as they just want to go everywhere. We got them walkers and they got stable really fast.

Before I knew it, it was time for them to start school. To me it was too fast, I mean they were just babies only yesterday. I actually cried. I did not want to leave the school premises. I was too scared for that. They were 2 years and 8 months old, but I just had to allow them be. I came back to pick them before school was over and waited just in front of the gate. I’m sure the staff were looking at me, thinking this woman is here again. School closed, they came out and they looked perfectly fine. They even told me how much they enjoyed their first day in school. Well, it was the opposite for me. Ever since then, it has just been the unlimited grace of God.

So, to the expectant twin mums out there or those that are already twin mums, just make sure you take everything easy; take one step at a time. Learn not to compare your twins; they are different people that would grow at different paces. Do not allow anyone to compare them, stop them from doing so. Love them both. Dedicate your time to both of them and even as they grow, do not underestimate any of their abilities. They might have different academic strengths but they are both talented. It has never been all rosy, but it would end up being a fun experience overall. Above all, allow God give you the grace to function. Find what's best for your twins and help them out!

Thank you.